Friday, December 12, 2008

The Slaabs Are Back

Slower. Weaker. Fatter. Broke-er, and less Swedish.

Bouyed by the crap-tastic, travishamockery performance in 2008, driven by the fact that unfortunately, we still own the 1982 Saab 900, resisted by 100% of the Slaab spouses, and excited by the fact that there are TWO races in Houston in 2009....we're proud to announce the Return of the Slaabs for the next race in Houston on February 28, 2009.

Norwegian Style.

Like the Empire Strikes Back, the sequal to the Svedish Slaabs is also expected to be better than the original. New country. Same car. New engine. Better suspension. Same drivers. Same semi-truck. How can this go wrong?

Santa is bringing a lot of hope, blessings, and good will this year...and he better damn well bring us some time to work on this piece of crap too.

We'll be updating the blog again regularly, so watch this space for more news.

Below is our application description of the new team:

"Embarrassed at the Slaab’s 2008 3 cylinder Exxon Valdez performance at the 24 Hours of Lemons, Carl XVI Gustaf issued a State Proclamation banning anyone old, bald, and Swedish from bringing further humiliation to his beloved Dancing Queen Country. The Svedish Slaabs searched high and low for an adopted country from which to base its prolific Swedish racing, dancing, and oil recovery operations. Colombia, Nigeria, Uzbekistan, and Upper Siberia all rejected our applications…though the Somalians seriously considered our proposal until they realized that a Saab could not be used for off-shore pirate operations. Finally, a home was found when we looked to our immediate west, where the motto of “United and loyal until the mountains of Dovre crumble” seemed oddly applicable given the crumbling nature of our race car. Norway.

And as their anthem states…Ja, vi elsker dette landet.

Exiled in Norway, the Slaabs have re-grouped and are back and ready to fight for their right to what every blond man wants…Swedish citizenship. Whether we succeed will depend on an engine proven to be nothing more than an oil processor, a Jamaican Swedish advisor with the propensity to over-rev engines and smoke near highly combustible team members, a chassis that can only be described as tractorish, and a driving team with the skills of a banana-handed driving monkey.

In other words, we’re ligge med’d."